Twisted Emotions
by Vodka-flavored-graham-cracker
Summary: Russia's got a secret. It tears at him every day. But it seems that someone can help...if Russia will let them.
1. Chapter 1

Winters in Russia were freezing. Snow was everywhere, falling softly and without a sound. At nighttime Russia could hear wolves occasionally howling to the full moon. Sometimes he would imagine he was a wolf; free and wild. He'd run around and do whatever he wished, hunting and feeling no remorse at killing. But it was only a dream for him. He was stuck being the country he was. He hated killing. He really did. But he was incapable of controlling himself when he got into his...insane...state. He carried his pipe everywhere. It had become his security blanket. It was covered in dried bloodstains but still glimmered in the light; shining through the rust colored substance to remind Russia what he used to kill people with. Russia was not in one of his states of insanity, nor his neutral state with a fake smile plastered on his face. No, he was in a much worse state than both of those. Medication never worked on him, believe me...he'd tried everything. Nothing could curve his depression.


	2. Who Is That?

No one knew of his condition. He would never let anyone know. If he did, his country would suffer a downfall probably caused by America or maybe even China. He hated them both. In his room was where he stashed his bottles or containers of medicine and such. Today was July 4th. Gag. Just as he had that thought, the phone rang. "Well I wonder who THAT could be?" Russia asked himself; his comment dripping with sarcasm. He picked up his phone and answered reluctantly. "*sigh*...Privyet?"

"Don't taint my ears with your language, commie!"

"Happy birthday, Amerika. Happy?"

"Very."

America hung up after that. Figures. Russia sighed, getting up. ...or, he tried to. The pain in his chest kept him from it. "Not now..." Russia whispered, pleading with no one. The pain moved from his chest to his head, growing. Through an agonizing haze, Russia moved to his desk, grabbing his container of pills. Then he thought better of it. Letting the depression take its course was normally the best way to get rid of it. The medication never kicked in fast enough and Russia was used to the feelings the mental condition anyway. He got up and almost fell over. He made his way down the stairs painfully and saw Ukraine in the kitchen making lunch.

"Oh, hello brother," she greeted him. "You don't look we-...oh."

Russia just nodded. Ukraine was the only one who knew of his condition.

"Have you taken your medication?"

Russia nodded again. Saying no would only worry his sister and cause her to panic.

"Russia," she went on. He look up at her. "I...My boss told me I had to be home tonight so..."

"You're leaving? So soon?"

"I'm so s-sorry, brother..."

"Hey, don't cry. I understand completely. And don't you worry about me, sestra. I'll be fine."

"B-but your condition-"

"-Is something I've lived with for a while now. I'm completely used to it now."

"Well, as long as you're sure."

"I am."

"I'm going to go pack now. Be careful, ok?"

"Da."

She went upstairs and Russia sat on the couch. He sighed heavily, waiting for his feelings to numb again. Depression made him feel lonely...so lonely he felt as though he would crumble and collapse. He lay down on the couch, willing himself to fall asleep. He proceeded to do so in a matter of seconds.

"_Hello, Russia." _

_"What do you want?" the bigger nation replied. "I got rid of you. Be happy about it." _

_"Oh don't you fret, I am. We all are," the person replied. _

_"Then why are you here?" _

_"Just to...what shall we say?...repay a favor." _

_Before Russia knew what was happening, the person smashed something on his head. A metal pipe. HIS metal pipe._

Russia sat up on the couch, his head throbbing. A nightmare. That's all it was. But that person had looked so familiar...sounded so familiar. Why did Russia feel that he knew them? He shrugged off the feeling and got up. Ukraine was in the kitchen, checking her bags and purse, making sure that she had everything with her.

"Leaving?"

"Oh, Russia! You're awake! And yes...I am."

"Have a safe flight, sestra."

She hugged him lovingly and he returned it. "I will call once I land," she said. "I'll continue to check up on you, yeah?"

"Da. I'd like that. I'll talk to you soon, Ukraine."

Then she was gone. Just like that, Russia was once again alone.


	3. Can You Help?

America was watching a horror movie with Canada as England watched on. He was being...talked to...by France.

"DUDE DON'T GO INTO THE DARK ROOM MAN YOU'RE SO STUPID WHAT ARE YOU THINKING ARE YOU FRIGGIN BLIND HOW MUCH GOOD ARE YOU EXPECTING THAT TO DO WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO YOURSELF?!"

Canada was listening and laughing at America, who clearly should have thought this movie choice through. A Nightmare on Elm Street wasn't the best movie choice ever made.

"Let go, you bloody wanker!" England snarled as he was being molested by the french nation.

"Honhonhon~but you like it, non?"

"Asshat!"

In the middle of all this, the phone rang. Since Canada knew he was the only person in that room who wasn't occupied with something he got up to answer. "Bonjour?"

"Er...hello there, Canada."

"Ah, hello Ukraine."

The female nation sounded worried and under stress. "I have a favor to ask of you."

"Of course. What is it?"

"Well...it's about Russia. He's been...sick...lately and I don't know who else I can trust to take care of him without taking advantage of his situation. I'm away for business so please...would you take care of him for me?"

"Of course, Ukraine!" Canada said. The last thing he wanted to do was upset her. He knew how she could get. She sounded extremely relieved in her answer.

"Oh, thank you, dear!"

They said their goodbyes and hung up. Canada went back to the movie and the room hadn't changed one bit, save for America having moved from the floor to cowering behind the couch.

"Hey guys I gotta go. Business."

"NO MAN YOU CAN'T LEAVE WHAT IF HE GETS ME WHAT IF I DON'T WAKE UP TOMORROW?!" America shrieked, panicked.

"You'll be fine, America. Bye guys!"

The other two hardly noticed the exchange and neither America nor Canada had expected anything more from them. He sighed, grabbing everything he would need. Russia must be in pretty bad shape if his own sister had to call to ask someone to care for him. He sighed again. It was about a fifteen minute drive to the airport and on the way he planned how he would keep his life once he reached Russia.


	4. Who Are You?

The plane landed at about 5 AM Russia time. Canada was exhausted after trying to continue entertaining Kumajirou for the whole flight.

"C'mon, Kuma," he growled, trying to get the bear to cooperate.

"Who are you?"

"Canada. Now come on! We have to get to Russia's!"

"Why?"

Canada thought. "No idea. All I know is that his sister sounded worried on the phone."

"Hungry."

"Not now!"

He stuffed the bear into the taxi and soon enough they were at Russia's. Canada could only stare. This was where the nation lived? It was massive! Everything looked vintage and beautiful. He walked up to the door, carrying a bag and his bear. He hesitated. Did he really want to do this? He was only going on Ukraine's words. What if Russia was healthy and he'd been tricked? Oh, if only he wasn't so considerate all the time! He knocked then flinched as though he'd just hit Russia. Silence. Then, footsteps.

"Get ready, Kuma," His bear was shaking.

"Don't like it here!"

"That makes two-"

He was interrupted by the door swinging open. Russia was standing there, pipe in hand. Canada noticed this and shivered.

"Uh...hello...Russia..."

"Who are you?"

"Canada."

"Canada? You look like Amerika."

"I've been told." Canada frowned; comparison again.

"Whoever you are, what are you doing here?"

"I'm here to help you."

"Who said I needed help?" Russia's gaze grew dark and Canada could hear, softly, "kolkolkol."

"Uh...er..."

"Well?"

"Ukraine."

Russia's eyes widened. The "kol"ing stopped and he looked frozen. "U-Ukraine? What did she say?"

"S-she just told me to watch you...she said y-you were s-sick..."

Russia glared at the smaller, quivering nation in front of him. "And what do you plan on doing about it? I don't feel sick."

"You don't look sick."

"So what're you doing here?"

"Ukraine told me you were sick and she's worried so I though I could be nice and help her out!" Canada blurted out, not really thinking too much. Russia sighed.

"For her. Not you. Now get in."

Canada entered the house...mansion...and looked around. The kitchen was magnificent.

"The guest rooms are upstairs on the left. My room is at the end of the hall," Russia informed him. Then the arctic nation got right in Canada's face. "Go in that room and so help me I will tear you limb from limb with my pipe and bare hands."

Canada knew he wasn't kidding. "Y-yes, sir."

"Go."

Canada couldn't get away fast enough. He went up the stairs and chose the first door on the left. The walls were a soothing blue color and the carpet was white and soft. Kumajirou flopped down on the bed.

"Where will you sleep?" Canada just laughed.

"Very funny, Kuma. Now let's go see if we can bake, eh?"

Kumajirou's face lit up. "Food!"

Canada went down to the kitchen to find Russia hunched over the counter. "Russia?"

"What?" came the sharp reply.

"You alright?" "

Fine."

"Hungry?"

"Yes!" Kuma butted in.

"Not you, bud," Canada scolded playfully. He looked back to Russia who was now staring at Kumajirou.

"What the hell is that?"

"Kumamaru. He's my pet bear." Russia smirked.

"Sure. Whatever. You know you're not fooling anyone, Amerika. You're lucky you're staying here and I haven't thrown you out in the snow."

"But I'm Canada!"

"Sure."

After that little exchange Russia went upstairs. Canada didn't know what to do then. He didn't want to get into Russia's food in case that would cause a slow and/or painful death but he didn't want to go upstairs either; not with Russia so close. He looked down to Kumajirou to find him not there. "Kuma?" He was concerned now. He had never been in Russia's house before and now he'd just lost his companion. "KUMA!"

"GET OUT OF HERE, BEAR!"

Canada heard the cry from upstairs and he dashed up to find Kumajirou out in the hallway, shaken. "Kuma, what happened?"

"I went into his room. He swung his pipe at me."

"I would've hit him too if he wasn't so damn fast."

Canada looked up. Russia was glowering at the both of them. "Touch my bear and I'll make you regret it," Canada snarled.

"You really must work on your threats, boy," Russia said back before turning and shutting the door with a slam.

"C'mon, Kuma," Canada said. "Let's get you settled in."


	5. I Hate Bears

Night 1. Canada lay in his huge bed which was actually a lot softer and more conforatable than he would have originally thought it would be. It was just as he was about to fall asleep did he notice that a certain fuzzy animal was nowhere around him. He sat up in bed, calling in a whisper yell for his bear. No answer. Fearing the worst, he made his way out of the room and into the hallway. Getting to the kitchen he expected the animal to be in the food stores. But he wasn't. Canada hoped he wasn't in Russia's room. That enough could be the end of the white creature. He went to bed worried and shaky.

OOOOO

He woke up to still no sign of his beloved animal. He got up quickly, opening the door and suddenly falling over something. It was Kumajirou himself.

"Kuma!"

"You didn't let me in last night, Cana," he growled.

"You were out here the whole time?"

"Yep. Hungry. Feed me."

"Everything's food with you, isn't it?"

"Yes."

There was a shadow that covered the both of them on the floor. Canada snatched his bear and scrambled up as Russia stared at the two of them. "Amerika, why do you have a bear?"

"I told you, I'm Canada!" Canada snarled.

"Sure. Anyhoo, don't expect me to make you any breakfast."

"Hungry!" Kumajirou barked.

Russia got right in his face. "I am hungry as well and I may just end up making a delicious polar bear soup, da?"

"Canda!" Kumajirou cried, clinging closer to his human owner.

"Shut it, Russia!" Canada actually raised his voice and got right in Russia's face. He was VERY protective whenever it came to Kuma.

Russia raised an eyebrow. "What's your favorite genre of movie?" the older nation asked.

"Wh-what?"

"Answer me."

"Probably drama, why?"

"...You must really not be Amerika."

"I keep telling you that! What made you change your mind?"

"Well Amerika seems to prefer horror movies and never would he be so protective of a...wild animal." Kuma snarled.

"Me and him are quite different," Canada replied.

Russia smirked, straightening. "And keep that thing out of my room."

Canada looked down at Kuma. "THAT'S where you were all night?"

"Part of it," the bear said.

Russia was already halfway down the stairs. "I hate bears."

OOOOOO  
Russia was halfway through work. He was thinking about Canada. That boy was sent here to make sure he was alright? Sure he was sick but nothing that kid could do would cure him. Russia didn't know what Ukraine was thinking. Of course even he knew that Canada couldn't possibly take advantage of his situation. And the older nation supposed that if it was America that would have already been attempted. He sighed, standing. Just as he opened the door, something sat on his feet. It was fuzzy. Kumajirou.

"What do you want, bear?" Russia asked, roughly kicking him off.

"Food."

"Nyet."

"Why not?"

"I said so and you are in my house, that is why."

Kuma just sported a grumpy look, stalking off to find Canada who would most likely give him a snack of seal rolls or some other type of fish. Russia huffed. Why on earth did that boy have to take his animal with him everywhere? He was so curious in fact, that he ended up actually asking Canada. They were in the kitchen when Russia brought it up.

"Oh, Kuma? Well...he's always been with me for as long as I can remember."

"Oh, really? What's so special about him beside being able to talk and being a real pain in the ass?"

"He's my only friend. He's the only one who actually notices me."

"He never remembers your name."

"I never remember his. And anyway, names don't matter so long as he sticks with me."

Russia blinked. "Hmm..." he mumbled under his breath. "I see." He got up. "I have work to do. Don't get into trouble and keep your animal with you, too."

"Ok."

Russia went back up to his study. The kid was too trusting. He'd have to do something about that...


	6. That Animal

"Hey, Russia?"

"What do you want now?"

"What IS it with you and Vodka?"

"It is Russian water, boy."

"But it can't be healthy to drink that much of it."

"I'm immune to intoxication by it."

Canada just huffed. No one was immune to that. "Get real, eh?"

"Well what is it with you and your little 'eh?'"

"I've always said it. It's a Canadian speech thing. Like your 'da.'"

"Da means yes."

"...oh..."

Russia got up from the table at which they were eating breakfast. "I'll be working. Don't disturb me."

"Don't overwork yourself."

"Shut it."

Russia made his way up the stairs but instead of going to his study he went to his room instead. He sat on his bed as the feelings of depression overcame him once again.

OOO

_"Russia...I..." _

_"What is it sestra?" _

_"I...I don't know how to say it...I just..." _

_"Ukraine?" _

_She looked straight into his eyes. "I want independence." _

_"Wh-...wha-?" _

_Ukraine began to cry. "I-I know we've always been close and we've had some amazing times b-but I just want...I just want to be...i-independent!" _

_Russia sighed. "I've been a horrid brother." _

_"N-Nyet! You've been a great b-brother!" Ukraine had tears streaming down her face now. Russia wiped them away softly. _

_He hushed her; "Shh, it'll be alright. I will give you your freedom if that is what you really wish." _

_"R-really? Oh, b-b-brother!" She threw herself on him, squeezing him. _

_"C-can't...breathe...ses...tra..." _

_"Oh, s-sorry," she replied. A huge smile was on her face. "Thank you brother," _

_Russia just smiled. He didn't trust himself to speak. He watched as Ukraine walked back down the hallway they were in, most likely to spread the "good news." The authenticity of his smile left him but his lips stayed upturned. Russia realized it was a fantastic way to hide his true feelings. From that moment on, Russia continued to smile._

OOO

Russia's head shot off the pillow. Only then did he realize he'd fallen asleep. He sighed, sitting up. He could hear the boy talking with his bear downstairs. That animal...that animal had to go.


	7. A Call From America

Russia, once again, could not fall asleep. He had taken medication and had even made sure the bear wasn't anywhere near him. After about what he figured was a half hour, he got up and made his way to the hallway. He stopped at Canada's room, slowly peeking in. What he didn't expect was for the boy to be awake. He was reading on the bed with Kumajirou next to him on a pillow. When Russia looked in he glanced up.

"'Ey, Russia."

"Er-uh-I-"

"What'd you need?"

Russia decided to just get it over with. He went in and sat on the end of the bed. "Canada..."

"...yeah?"

"We're not friends."

"I know that."

"So...I know you told me that Ukraine said she was worried for me and that you had to come watch me but I don't need help."

"I can say the same. You don't look sick at all but Ukraine sounded extremely worried," Canada replied. "She really cares for you, y'know."

"I know she does. But..." Russia paused. "I don't need you to be here. I'm perfectly fi-"

"I'm going on your sister's word, not yours."

"And you trust her word over mine?"

"Immensely."

Russia sighed. "I want you gone tomorrow. You leave first thing."

"I can't. I promised Ukraine."

"I've put up long enough with you, boy, and your...animal. This is my house therefore my rules and I want you out of here."

"Would you just tell me what's wrong?"

"No."

"Call Ukraine then. She'll most likely tell you what she told me."

"What? That she's worried? I've heard it before."

"But you didn't hear her then. She sounded almost panicked."

That stopped Russia. "Panicked?"

"Yes. I don't know what you're suffering from but all I know is that it MUST be bad if Ukraine's breaking down over it."

"She breaks down over everything, Canada."

"Sure. I know she does. But this isn't like the rest of the times. She's seriously concerned for whatever reason and I'm going to do as she says. It will give her peace of mind." Russia blinked and stayed silent. "OK?" The older nation huffed.

"Fine. Like I said before, we are not friends. I'm only doing this for her."

"I can live with that."

"But when will you leave?"

"Once you're healed of...whatever..."

"I can't be healed. Only numbed."

Then Russia got up and left before he could say any more about it. He didn't trust his mouth to keep quiet. Right before he got to his room the phone rang. Canada reached it before he did and sighed when he saw the caller ID. He answered. Russia didn't like the idea of the boy touching his phone let alone answering it.

"What, America?"

Russia could hear a faint buzzing which he figured was America shouting at his brother.

"No-...no, I-...Amer-...stop it! How'd you even figure out where I am?" A pause. "Never thought you'd be that intelligent...wh-...wh-no! He's not-...I have no idea! Ukraine-...whatever, America...no, no I'm fine I promise! I just-...yeah OK talk to ya later." He hung up after that.

"America?" Russia asked.

"What gave it away?" Canada replied.

"How'd he figure it out?"

"He looked back at my recent calls."

"Wow...smart for him."

"That was my reaction."

"Well I'm going to head back to my room. Don't bother me."

"Don't worry about that."

"No promises!" Kumajirou piped up. Canada nudged him with a 'shut-up-or-no-breakfast-tomorrow' look. Russia went back to his room as he'd said and flopped on the bed. Great. Now America would be after him. With the way he'd hung up so abruptly Russia could only assume he was getting on a plane right now. He sighed heavily. As if he didn't already have enough to worry about right now.


	8. A Surprise Visit

Just as Russia figured, America showed up the next day. He was furious, which was also expected.

"Where's my little brother, commie?!"

"For the last time," Russia snarled. "I am no longer a communist, capitalist pig."

"I'm right here, America!" Canada said, popping up behind Russia. Kumajirou, as usual, was right at his feet.

America swiftly crushed him in a huge bear hug. "Why are you here? Where did Russia hurt you?"

"He didn't."

"I can't believe he-...wait, what?"

"I said, he didn't hurt me. I'm perfectly fine!"

"I'm hungry!" Kuma said.

"America, you really shouldn't worry about me. I can take care of myself much better than you think I can."

"Well you're my little bro! I can worry about you all I want, man!"

"Amerika," Russia butted in. "When was the last time you actually remembered your brother?"

America frowned. "His last birthday."

"Which was...?"

"...uh...er..."

Russia grimaced. "He's your own brother and you don't even know his birthday?"

"I got a lot of birthdays to remember, dude. Don't through the guilt card at me."

Russia knew better than to get in a fight with America when Canada was around. He'd end up defending him and the last thing Russia wanted on his mind right now was how to go up against two brothers. Canada turned back to America.

"Listen, I know you're worried for me and I get that...it's just...Russia's not that bad of a guy. Not under his facade of insanity." Canada had said this in almost a whisper but Russia's ears picked it up. Did he really feel that way? Or was it just to get America to leave?

"I don't believe that, man," America growled back in a normal voice. "The bastard can never be fixed."

"Excuse me?" Russia snarled.

America got right in his face. "I said, you will NEVER be fixed."

Something in Russia snapped. He'd had it with the younger nation always bickering about him. He was the Russian Federation, no longer Soviet Russia. Without warning he reached inside his coat, pulling out his infamous metal pipe. He swung it at America who dodged just in time.

"Russia, stop it!" Canada yelled, trying to lower Russia's anger as much as he could.

But Russia paid no mind. His depression had slowly and gradually been building and it was about time he let out his stress. His confusion and pain came out in an explosion of fury. America was much more agile than you would think. He was dodging and ducking at the precise times so as not to get hit with the piece of metal. Canada had picked up Kuma so he didn't get hurt. He figured the best thing was not to get in the middle of the two unless he was asking for death. He happened to cherish his life. Just as America's face was forming a gloating smile Russia swung at him. He didn't duck in time. The pipe smashed into his ribs with a sickening crunch as America cried out and sunk to the floor, clutching his side.

"Russia, that's ENOUGH!" Canada yelled.

Russia was standing over America, ready to strike again. But he thought better of it and put his pipe away instead. Then he turned tail and went back upstairs. America moaned on the floor.

"He's ...not that bad,...huh?"

"I-I'm sorry he-he doesn't normally-"

"That just who he is, bro. I know you think he's not some sort of monster but you only know the mask he has on. You haven't seen inside him yet. Once THAT Russia comes out, we'll probably both be dead."

Canada just sighed. "I know that's what you think."

"Wh-why are you here, anyway?" America panted.

"Business. But what I'm trying to tell you is that maybe if you just gave Russia a chance he'd turn out to be better than you first expected."

America was silent.

"Please?"

The USA just huffed. "Fine, but I suppose he won't be pleased I'm staying here."

"Well you need to heal somewhere. And anyway, you're a nation so it'll take four times less than a human."

"I know it will."

"So will you at least give it a try?"

"Fine. For you. Not him."

OOO

Russia was standing in the hall upstairs, listening to the whole conversation. Canada was...defending him? He really didn't think he was all that bad? Russia would just have to get to the bottom of it. There had to be more to this than the boy was letting on.


	9. Mixed Emotions

Russia, as was expected, was not happy with the idea that America would be staying at his home to heal from a wound he had inflicted. America wasn't good with the idea either, as it turned out. But Canada managed, with difficulty, to convince the both of them that it was for the best. Russia was in his room, trying to keep himself under control. He was lost. Confused. Scared.

Oh, how he wished Ukraine was here. She would always hold him when he needed to be comforted. She was always there for him whenever he would need her to be. Calling her, he knew, wasn't an option. She was busy with her own problems and the last thing he wanted was to make Ukraine worry about him more. He'd taken his medication already but it hadn't done any good it seemed. His thoughts flew back to his...other form...of medication. He'd never done it but now he felt as though it was necessary.

There was just nothing else he could do. He dug around in the drawer of his desk awhile before he found the knife he'd hidden there, just in case he'd ever need it. It was a particularly sharp knife and had "teeth" on it. Russia figured that having a knife of this type would do the most damage and would be the most efficient. He brought it up to his elbow, pressing down without hesitation. He began a back and forth movement, almost like playing a violin. He watched as the blade sunk deeper and deeper into his skin.

Soon after, the blood started to run from the wound. But Russia continued to saw at his flesh. He needed the pain; it would get his mind off his other problems. Tears ran freely. What the hell was he doing? The depression had screamed at him and grabbed his arm, moving it for him. He seemed to be paralyzed. When the blood began to drip on the bed and stain the whole bottom half of the knife he stopped. He ripped the blade from his arm and placed it back under his paperwork and notebooks in the drawer.

He stared at his bloody arm. A terrible, harsh gash now decorated the side of his elbow. It was ugly and bloodied. He went to the bathroom in his room, snatching a maroon-colored towel and mopping up the red liquid. Then he grabbed a roll of thick gauze, wrapping it tightly around his arm. He sighed. One part of him hadn't wanted to do that, but the other part had insisted it was necessary. Oh, how he despised mixed emotions.


	10. I Hate it Here

The next morning brought a heavy snowfall. Nothing new, really. If you looked outside you could go blind from all the intense white. America was in his room being tended to by Canada. Russia's guest room was actually quite nice for a psychopath. The bed was comfy and it had a homey feel to it.

"Why does it snow so much here, dude?" America asked.

"Well we are in Russia," Canada replied. "That's just sort of how it goes here."

"Well the faster I get out of here the happier I'll be. I hate it here."

"Don't say it like that, America," Canada scolded. "Russia's being nice enough not to throw you out in the snow."

America blinked. "Yes, I know that but who knows what he's got in store for me now that he knows I'm injured?"

"America, I'm really not sure he'd do anything to you. Not while I'm around anyway."

"But how are you so sure?"

"Well, I suppose I'm not positive but there's a good chance he won't want to waste his energy."

"Hopefully. If not, I'll have to heal communism with Democracy."

Canada just sighed. Once he was done checking on his brother he moved to go check on Russia. He knocked and was met with "come in here and get ripped apart!"

"Just seeing if you're doing alright," Canada said to the door.

"Why are you so concerned?"

"That's my job."

"I'm fine. Now go," was the curt reply.

"Call if you need anything."

Canada quickly left before Russia could throw a snappy comment. The arctic nation himself was seated on his bed, tending to his wound. The bleeding had stopped but the pain was being felt in full force. But Russia could care less. This is the reason he'd done it. Still, he couldn't possibly for the life of him understand why Canada was so concerned about him.


	11. Водка

America's sleep was going great. That is...until it abruptly ended when he sensed someone watching him. He opened his eyes and was greeted with Russia's face.

"Dude! Limit! Limit! Limit!" America screeched.

Russia showed no recognition that he'd spoken.

"How are you?"

"Since when do you care, commie?"

"Since you stayed in my house. The faster you get better, the faster you leave."

"Well you aren't really helping."

Russia just blinked. "Hm..."

"Go drink vodka or something."

"Don't mind if I do." Russia stalked out.

America huffed. What was that all about? He highly doubted that Russia really cared for him at all.

OOO

Russia drank. It was his way of coping. Canada had gone out to get some groceries so he knew he wouldn't be disturbed. America didn't care enough to get up anyway. Russia had found his secret vodka stash in his basement. He sat down at the table.

"Oh hell no!"

Russia whipped his head around to face America. The younger nation snarled at him.

"You don't drink if I don't! Pass the vodka."

OOO

"Communism was a total BITCH, Ruski!"

"N-nyet...you don't know *hic* what good it did."

"I WILL HEAL YOU WITH DEMOCRACY!"

"Communism and I broke up...a looooooong time ago, pig!" The way Russia said "time" was tinted with a southern drawl, making it sound more like "tahm."

"You were a...great couple. Don't...don't understand why y'didn't...kiss or nothin like dat..."

"What d'you know? You're just a big, fat goose."

"Yeah? Well you're ...you're a...a big-nosed cat! I was talkin' with England...and we's agreed that you was a big *hic* scaredy cat!"

"Why am I-"

"Y'run from y'own sistah."

"Hey!" Russia growled, downing another bottle. "She's damn scary!"

"Ah think she's kinda cuuuuute! I'm sure F-France'd tap dat!"

Russia burst out laughing at the mental image.

America began doing a France impression.

"Oh, oh my Belarus you truly are *hic* one HELL of a woman! Lemme grab dat ass o'yours-"

"Nyet! Nyet! Stop!" Russia was in tears, he was laughing so hard.

"Or-or maybe he'd p'r'fer a guuuuy!" Then America gave a long, dramatic gasp. "Duuuuuuuude! What if he liks YOU?!"

Russia fell off his chair, pounding the floor with a hand, massaging his cheeks with the other.

America continued with his France impression. "Oh, my Russie! Oh how I *hic* love you! My l'amore!"

Russia was curled in a ball, holding his middle and sobbing and laughing. "Stop! Stop! Nyet! No more! Can't breathe!"

"I like you, Russia. Y'know that?"

Russia managed to answer between sobs and laughter. "I-I like you too! Y'ain't that bad."

America lay down on the floor next to Russia. They stared at each other as Russia slowly calmed down.

America raised his eyebrows. "Guuuuuuuuurl!"

That just caused Russia to break down into cries of laughter again. "NYET!"

America, wasted, got on top of Russia. He tore both their shirts off and started tickling the older nation.

"Nyet! Nyet! Stop! I can't feel my face! It hurts!" Russia laughed, massaging his cheeks once again. He began to tickle America back and soon they were engulfed in a tickle fight.

This is what Canada walked in on.


	12. Discovery

"Guys...?"

Both drunk nations turned, stunned. Russia was no longer laughing but his cheeks were tearstained. "Oh...privyet..."

"What are you...why are there over 30 bottles of vodka? ...and why are they all empty?"

America and Russia looked to each other. America suddenly screamed. "DAMN DUDE WHAT THE HELL?!"

He scrambled off Russia quickly. Russia and Canada both jumped at the outburst.

"What America?" Canada asked, coming over. Then he stopped. "...uh, Russia? Is...is your heart supposed to do that?"

Russia looked down. His heart was now on the floor. "Huh," he said. "Yeah it does that."

"Dude that is NOT healthy," America stated. He looked disgusted. Seeing Russia's heart on the floor and a gaping hole in his chest sobered them both up.

"Uhm...is there anything we should do?" asked Canada timidly. He was seriously starting to a) wonder why he'd agreed with himself to look after Russia and b) _seriously_ consider his level of sanity.

"Clean up the bottles. I'll...clean that," Russia replied, indicating to the still pumping organ.

America looked green. "Auck, oh god." He turned and ran to the bathroom. The sound of him retching could be heard. He came back, flustered, his hair a complete mess. He leaned against the wall, dizzy. "Yo, Canada, bro...got a mint?"

OOO

Everything had been cleaned and cleared. America was passed out on the couch. Russia was up in his room. Canada was leaning against the kitchen counter, watching his brother sleep. He certainly didn't look forward to morning; he'd have to take care of two older nations with hangovers. He facepalmed.

Then he remembered what else beside Russia's heart he'd seen. He put on a determined expression, going up briskly to Russia's room. He knocked.

"Whoever it is, no."

"I'm not leaving until I talk to you, Russia," Canada snarled. Kumajirou had appeared next to him, sitting on his feet. He heard an exasperated sigh. The door opened a crack. Canada pushed forward, stumbling into the room, his bear trailing behind. He turned to Russia. "Do you know why I'm here?"

Russia just looked tired and worn out. "Uhm...a lecture?"

"Of sorts."

"I'm not in the mood."

"I don't care. Sit down."

"Why?"

"Do it."

Russia was, like he said, too tired to argue. He sat on the bed next to Canada. The younger nation suddenly reached out, snatching Russia's arm. He pulled the sleeve back, revealing the gauze. Before the silver-haired man could do anything, Canada tore it off to see the ugly scar of Russia's past endeavors. They were silent for a few moments.

"Russia?" Canada began, timid. "What is this? I know scars from wars and such and this isn't one."

Russia looked at Canada. The younger nation was stunned at the amount of hurt in the older's eyes. "Canada," he began.

"Y-yes?"

"What I'm about to tell you is something you can NEVER tell ANYONE. Is that clear?"

"Yes, Russia."

Russia sighed. "It's finally time you know why Ukraine called to tell you to look after me."


	13. And So the Truth Comes Out

Canada was stunned.

"O-okay..."

Russia sighed again before continuing.

"Ukraine is worried because my mental state isn't stable. I suppose it never was, but now it's only worsened. I'm tired every day, I can hardly find anything worth living for and I cry myself to sleep at night. At times I wish I was younger again...just so I could maybe be innocent.

"The rise and fall of Communism and Soviet Russia and the beginning of the Russian Federation took its toll on me. I thought I'd be able to handle it but things quickly got to a point that I couldn't control them."

Russia stared into Canada's eyes, and the younger nation felt he couldn't move.

"I have depression, Canada. I cut myself. And if you tell Ukraine or anyone else," Russia leaned in and got right in Canada's face. "I will end you."

The poor boy was stunned. "I...I won't tell anyone..."

"Good. Now get out. I need to be alone."

"But don't you think that's the problem?"

"What do you mean?"

"You being alone." Canada had no idea if what he was saying was coming from random bravery or pure stupidity, but it needed to be said. "Maybe that's what causing all this. You need people to be around you, Russia. You need people to vent to and to understand what you're going through. When you don't have that, you get in the state of mind that lets your disorder take over.

"Russia, you're stronger than this. You always have been. You can't let this rule your life. I'm here for you now."

Russia was staring straight ahead; at nothing. "I...guess you're right."

"I'm going to stay here tonight. I'll sleep on the floor if I have to. Kuma can be my pillow; he's done it before. Nothing you say will stop me from doing it."

Russia sighed for the third time. "Fine. Stay over there and keep your animal under control."

Canada nodded and moved to the other side of the room. He lay down and Kuma positioned himself so Canada's head was resting on his belly.

OOO

Not many people know, but America had fantastic hearing, and had been in enough hangovers to know how to fake one.

...

I want a Kuma pillow!

Thank you so much to everyone who's been reading and commenting on the story :) I really appreciate everything!

~Russki


	14. Forgotten Friendship

America always thought that he'd love for Russia to be hurt. Many times he caused it himself. But now...this wasn't so satisfying. It was bittersweet. As he lay on the couch, he couldn't help but feel terribly sorry for the poor guy.

...

"_Hi! I'm America!" _

_"Da, I'm Russia. It is nice to meet you finally." _

_The boy was bursting with energy. New friends and trade partners! This is just what his new country needed! Russia played with the ends of his scarf. _

_"I heard Ukraine and Belarus are your sisters," America stated. _

_"Da, they are," the man replied._

_"I can't believe how powerful Russia is!" America smiled. _

_Russia couldn't help but smile. "Spasiba. And I'm sure America will become great as well."_

...

_America was sobbing into Russia's coat. He was bleeding terribly from a massive slice to his chest caused by fighting. Russia was desperetaly trying to stop the flow of blood and mop up what he could. Good thing he left his scarf at home. _

_"Russia, what's happening to me? Why are they doing this?" _

_Russia looked up into the tearstained eyes. _

_"I don't know, my friend. But I assure you...the first civil war is always the hardest."_

...

_America could hear Russia's scream miles away. He ran across the frozen, wintery wasteland. He'd gotten a distress call from the larger country and had gone to help immedietaly. When he reached his friend, Russia was just standing in the midst of various bloody bodies. His gaze was blank, but tears never ceased. _

_"Russia? Dude, you OK?" _

_"Why? ...Why did they do it?" Russia suddenly turned on America. "They were defenseless!" he screamed. "There were children! Women! People who only wanted better work! And they killed them all!" _

_Russia fell forward into America's arms. The younger nation held the older as tight as he could. He led him to a bench nearby that only had a few flecks of blood here and there and sat him down. Russia rested his head in America's lap. This was his turn to sob. _

_"Shh, bud. It'll be alright, you'll see," America tried to comfort him. _

_"Nyet," Russia cried. "This will always be a Bloody Sunday!"_

...

_What's happened to us? _

America thought this silently as tears began to fall. He had only teased Russia about still being a communist; he never really meant it. He just liked to grind Russia's gears. It was a sort of game they played. He never meant to actually hurt him. They had always been great friends. That is, until the communism came into play. But that was years ago and they'd both really gotten over it as much as a country could. America wanted that friendship back. That was it. That was the bottom line.

He got up and slowly went to Russia's room. He opened the door a crack. Canada was fast asleep on Kumajirou's body and Russia was facing the wall. His steady breathing told America he was asleep.

_Funny,_ America thought, _how one simple tidbit of knowledge can change the outlook you have on a person... _

The younger man walked silently up to the side of Russia's bed. The man looked like his sleep was disturbed by nightmares. He kept shifting and shivering. America put a hand on his shoulder.

"Sorry. For everything."

...

Song: Clairvoyant (Two Steps from Hell)


	15. Again the Truth Comes Out

Canada had woken up early and was making breakfast. Russia awoke to something different. He turned and came face to face with a sleeping America. His mind shifted to overdrive. Why was America in bed with him? And why hadn't he done anything yet? Russia was just glad they both had clothes on. He stared at the younger man. He remembered when America was just a boy. He looked incredibly peaceful when he slept; nothing like the obnoxious, egotistical man he normally acted like. Maybe that was only a façade? Suddenly America shifted awake.

"Oh...hey, Ruskie."

"Privyet."

"Hey, can I tell ya something?"

"Mmm?"

"I...I don't think you're that bad."

"You said that when we were drunk."

"Yes I know and I'm suffering from the worst hangover ever right now but just hear me out..."

"I'm listening..."

"I want to be friends again."

Russia was stunned into silence. "No one ever wants to be my friend."

"That's not true. We used to be...remember?"

Russia sighed. "That was then. This is now."

"But we can change the now," America almost sounded as though he was pleading. "Please? Can we at least try?"

"What's with the sudden change of heart?"

America shifted so that he was resting on one elbow on the bed.

"I...I remembered back to everything we used to do together. You were there for me when I had my civil war. I was there for you during Bloody Sunday and the rise and fall of Soviet Russia. We've always been...around...for each other. Then something just...changed. I never wanted it to, it just did. I don't want to hate anymore."

"Is this your hangover talking?" Russia asked.

"What is it with you?"

Russia was stunned by America's stern expression. "Wha...?"

"Why won't you believe me? I can be mature when I need to be and no, this is NOT my hangover talking. I legit want to be friends."

With that, America got up and went downstairs. Russia couldn't do much but stare after the younger nation.

OOO

It was after lunch. America was staring out the window wistfully at the falling snow. He felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned to see Russia.

"What?"

"Da."

"Huh...?"

"Yes."

"I know what 'da' means. I'm asking what are you saying yes to?"

Russia looked away for a moment then back.

"I...I would like to be friends again."


	16. A Game of Poker

And so they tried. And succeeded. Canada was surprised at the fact that Russia and America were no longer at each others throats. He didn't think much of it though. America, every once in a while, would be found in the morning sleeping with Russia (with clothes on of course). It was one night during the middle of January that Canada claimed he had to leave.

"But...bro, why?"

"America, I have work to do at home. It's urgent and I can't not go."

America didn't say anything else but hugged Canada tightly. "Gonna miss you, dude."

"I'll miss you too, America."

Then Canada went to Russia. "Stay strong."

Russia leaned down and locked Canada in a hug as well. It surprised them all. "Spasiba."

Canada waved from his car once he reached it and packed everything including Kuma.

"Bye, Canada!"

"Do svidania!"

Then he was gone. America and Russia went back into the house, and didn't really know what to do with themselves. They settled on sitting on the couch and staring into space. I mean...what else were they supposed to do? Canada always had stuff for them to do and it was mainly work but it kept them busy.

"Wanna play poker?" America asked.

"Why not?" replied the Russian.

OOO

"Strip poker? Really?"

"You said yes, dude."

"Fine. Just set it up."

Once America did just that, he said, "Let's make it a mix of strip and truth poker."

"Mm?"

"Well strip poker is obvious and truth poker is when the person who loses the round has to answer a question truthfully."

Russia thought. "Alright."

OOO

Russia won the first round. America lost his bomber jacket.

"Now ask a question," America stated.

"Hmm...ok. What do you think of Russian?"

"It's got more life than English, I'll be honest."

Russia then won the next round. America lost his shirt. Russia could only stare. "Uhh..."

"Like whatcha see?" the American asked.

"Yes."

"There was your question."

Russia facepalmed. America won the next round. Russia lost his coat.

"What do you think of me?" America asked.

Russia was quiet. Then, "Ya tebya lyublyu."

"I don't know Russian, dude."

"You're alright."

"K then."

Russia won the next round. America lost his pants.

"Stars and Stripes boxers?" Russia asked.

"Is that your question?"

"Da."

"In that case, yes. Don't judge."

America won the next round. Russia lost his shirt. America whistled. "I know I saw you without a shirt when we were drunk but I couldn't process anything then. Wow."

"Spasiba."

"My question...hmm..."

They were silent for a few moments.

"Ah," America said after a while. "What's your name?"

Russia stopped. A country's name was a country's power. It could be controlled by someone knowing their human name. But, fair was fair.

"Ivan Braginski."

"I like it."

"Spasiba."

Russia won the next round. America lost his socks. Russia figured it was only fair: "What's YOUR name?"

"Alfred Freedom Jones!"

Russia smirked. "Freedom?"

"Land of the muthafuckin free, dude!"

It earned an eye roll. America won the next round. Russia lost his pants.

"Oh," America snarled. "Make fun of my boxers, huh? You have YOUR flag on yours."

"Well mine isn't cluttered with patterns I could never keep straight."

"Stars and stripes, dude. Not that difficult."

"What's your question?"

But America didn't have a question. Instead, he leaned forward across the table...well, he rather had to jump on it. His lips connected with Russia's. Russia figured it had to be some sort of freak accident but America didn't pull away. Neither did Russia. They stayed like that for a few moments after before America pulled away.

"Do you love me?"

"Dearest Alfredka," Russia said in a low voice. "That's what 'ya tebya lyublyu' means."

...

D'aaawww!

Yeah I know the whole story really is pretty weak but it's my first Hetalia one. And I'm really trying to finish this up so I can start on my next one. Motivation!


	17. A Bit of Fun

Little did they know but Canada left for a reason beside work. Yes, there were urgent things he needed to attend to but he also wanted to see if Russia and America could live together without killing each other. He figured if either of them died he'd see it on the news or something.

OOO

Russia and America were nowhere near killing each other. At the moment they were on Russia's bed, locked in a dance of love. The only thing they had on was their pants but that was close to being changed. Surprisingly, America was topping.

"How dominant," Russia teased.

"Shut it, you."

"Never would have thought it would happen; this."

"Same."

America latched onto Russia's arms.

"America..." Russia began.

"Hmm?"

"I can't...I can't do this."

America stopped. "What?"

"I guess I'm just not...ready. Not us, anyway. Not now."

"Stop acting like a 13 year old virgin."

"I'm serious."

"Way to be a mood killer."

"I'm sorry. I really am."

"Whatever."

America got up and walked out of the room, leaving his shirt behind without even knowing it. Great. He needed to take care of himself now cuz the Ruski wasn't strong enough to? Psssh. Russia was left behind feeling terrible and rejected. He reached down, grabbing America's shirt. He lay down, clutching the clothing. It smelled of the American. What went wrong?

OOO

The next morning, America felt horrible. Guilty. Depressed. Russia came down the stairs to find the American had made a Russian dish for breakfast. They looked to each other.

"Russia-"

"I'm-"

"Er, you go first."

"No, you."

"I'm so sorry about what happened last night. So...I hope this makes up for it at least."

Russia nodded and walked over to him. "It does."

He leaned down and trapped America in a deep kiss. "I forgive you."

"I just...I couldn't come down from that high and I was so close. I guess I was just shocked but I know that's no excuse."

"I said I forgive you."

"Thank you."

OOO

Cuddling on the couch is always a great way to calm things down. Really. That's where America and Russia were currently. Well...they weren't really cuddling so much as Russia was trying to keep America from falling onto his crotch as he screamed and flailed; they were watching The Ring. What a ...great idea. Just as America was about to go insane, he latched onto Russia's sleeve, pulling his arm close to his chest. Then he stopped. He slowly moved Russia's arm so that he could look at it. He lifted the sleeve. What he saw was almost scarier than the movie they were watching.


	18. Russia? What is this?

"Russia?" America began. "What is this?"

"I..I...Er..."

"Answer me."

"I was feeling bad, ok? I just...i didn't know how to handle...I'm sorry."

"Russia..."

The older nation's arm was littered with fresh scars. They ran smooth and deep and seemed to make a little pattern on the flesh: a pattern of agony. They were red and horrifying. America was surprised that Russia even had the guts to follow through with this. He looked up to see said nation crying softly.

"Russia-"

"He told me to stay strong."

Then America understood. "Last night...this is my fault, isn't it?"

"No-"

"You really were feeling terrible. And I caused this!"

"Nyet!" Russia firmly grabbed hold of America's own arms. "This is not your fault. The reasons are personal, yes, but they aren't because of you. I promise you."

America just looked down, really at nothing.

"Alfredka?"

"What did you call me?"

"It's a Russian thing. It's the Russian version of your name."

"Oh."

"Mine is Vanya."

America threw himself on Russia suddenly.

"Alfredka, what's wrong?"

"That girl in the movie, man. She's freakin me out big time!"

OOOOO

It was difficult for both of them to sleep. Russia was feeling major guilty and America was jumping at every little sound.

"Alfredka," Russia said.

"Yeah, dude?"

"If you're so afraid of horror movies then why watch them?"

"Eugh don't be Japan."

"I'm serious."

"I dunno, really. Guess I just find them interesting."

"And yet you play horror games like its nobody's business."

"Well yeah cuz games are about death and winning and I'm America. They're a cinch."

"I wonder about you sometimes."

"Me too."

"You know we have a world meeting tomorrow in Moscow, right?"

"What? Since when?"

"You really never pay attention, do you?"

"No, not really."

They decided to leave it at that and fell asleep in each other's arms.

...

Short chapter is short.

To She Elf of Hidden Lore: I also want to roundhouse kick Alfred a lot.

To DaIvanbraginski: yes, Alfred is an eavesdropping ****.

To Aabluedragon: glad our portrayals of Russia match :D and thank you very much ^.^

To anyone who reviews and will in the future, it truly means a LOT to me that you stick with this story :D thank you so much!


	19. An Interesting World Meeting

That's just what it was: interesting.

As usual, America claimed he had the best ideas, China claimed it to be false, Germany tried to calm everything down, Italy was making white flags from his note paper, England and France were locked in a fist fight as everyone else watched on and then there was Russia. He wasn't doing anything but staring at the Baltics. They were getting unnerved. His trademark smile was nowhere to be seen. Now his face was just blank. He made sure his sleeves were pulled down as much as possible, even though he had black gloves on.

"Russia? Russia!"

Someone calling his name brought him back to reality. "Huh?"

"Your arms..."

He looked down, panicking, to see his sleeves were now stained red. Luckily he was wearing his dark coat so it looked better than how it really was but he got up and ran out of the room. America stopped as did everyone else.

The USA turned back to the rest: "Consider my idea! Robots are kickass!"

With that he ran out after Russia. He found him in a spare room desperately trying to stop the flow of blood caused by reopened scars. America saw they covered both arms. He snatched tissues, pressing them to his friend's skin. They were silent until America pushed down a little too hard, causing Russia to cry out. This lasted for a few minutes until they successfully managed to stop the blood. They both sat on the table, exhausted.

"Good to see you two getting along."

They both looked up to see Canada in the doorway.

"Hey, bro!"

Russia was just silent.

"Half the reason I left was to see if you two could live together peacefully. I think my decision payed off."

Russia just sighed. "You should have told me never to let Alfredka watch the Ring."

"Ahh so you know each other's name, huh?"

"Truth poker."

"Al, you gotta stop doing that."

"What? It's fun!"

"Anyhoo, it's great to see you too at least not trying to murder each other. That and Alfred can't really handle any horror related thing at all."

"I can deal with video games just fine!"

Canada just rolled his eyes.

"Anyway, Mattie, why're you here now?"

"That is your name?" Russia asked.

"Yep," Canada replied. "I'm Matthew, eh."

"Ahh. Matvey."

"What?"

America butted in with "Russian thing, don't ask." Canada just shrugged.

"Came to check on Russia."

"I'm fine," the Russian replied, although he most certainly wasn't.

"Everyone wants to know what happened," the Canadian continued. "What should I say?"

"Tell them," Russia snarled. "That if anyone continues this subject as a topic of conversation I will take my pipe and shove it down their throats and pull them inside out." He was now wearing his smile. America and Canada both gagged.

"Alright then," Canada replied. He then proceeded to promptly leave.

OOOO

"_Hello, Russia." _

_"What do you want?" the bigger nation replied. "I got rid of you. Be happy about it." _

_"Oh don't you fret, I am. We all are," the person replied. _

_"Then why are you here?" _

_"Just to...what shall we say?...repay a favor." _

_Before Russia knew what was happening, the person smashed something on his head. A metal pipe. HIS metal pipe._

OOOO

Russia awoke from a very familiar dream. He had no idea what it meant. He looked over to see a peacefully sleeping American next to him. He sighed, rolled over, and tried to get some shut eye.

...

That nightmare...

to Aabluedragon: I try to update as much as possible and it's easy since I have no life right now :D


	20. Smile

The next day Russia had a crapton of work to do. He began after dinner and America tried as best he could to entertain himself. He looked around the TV and found a stack of American movies. In English.

"Sly bastard," America smiled to himself."I knew it."

He chose to watch the remake of Nightmare on Elm Street. His reasoning was that if he'd already seen the old one then this wouldn't be as bad since he'd know what was coming. But little did he realize that remakes aren't necessarily true to the old versions in every way. America found this out the hard way. Russia got done with work and came down to find his friend with eyes as wide as saucers strangling one of his pillows. He noticed the movie playing.

"America?"

At his name America screamed and dove behind the couch. Russia walked up to him.

"That put the girls in that movie to shame."

"Sh-shut up..."

Russia picked him up and sat on the couch with America on his lap. He's have bruises with how tight America was holding him. The movie finally ended and Russia had to end up carrying America bridal style to their room. It hurt his arms immensely. America grabbed his laptop which he'd taken in the room a few days ago.

"What on earth are you doing?" Russia asked.

"I gotta get my mind off Freddy, dude. I could go with some kittens."

Russia just rolled his eyes. "Well goodnight then. I'm going to sleep."

He rolled over and promptly proceeded to do just that. America was now awake in an empty house and he wasn't liking it. He grabbed his earbuds and put on some music which helped a bunch. He first decided to check his email. 78 new messages. Gag.

He opened an interesting one from Japan labeled "God Loves You." There was a story followed by a picture. The story wasn't necessarily that terrifying but when America reached the accompanying photo his scream could be heard for miles.

...

To She Elf of Hidden Lore: is that good or bad? And I can just imagine being with him when he said that.

To Aabluedragon: unless you count a life as "reading fanfictions till morning hours when you should be sleeping."


	21. I Won't Let Him Get You

"Shh, shh..."

Russia was holding and rocking America gently in his arms. The poor younger man was sobbing and screaming every time the image came back to his mind. Russia couldn't help but feel pity. America had seen enough horror tonight to last for a lifetime.

"America," Russia murmured quietly.

America looked up to the Russian.

"I won't let him get you.

"Wh-w-what is that th-thing?" America cried.

Russia looked once more at the desktop which still showed the email. He was forbidding America to look at it and was even holding his head against his chest and shielding his eyes.

"That," he said after a short while. "Is Smile Dog."

"S-Smile Dog?"

"Yes."

"Wh-what...does i-it d-do?"

Russia figured America would never sleep until he knew what it was he was looking at.

"Smile Dog is a supposedly haunted picture that can cause suicides and siezures during sleep. It's haunted whoever looks at it."

"OH MY GOD I LOOKED AT HIM!"

America burst out into sobs once more. Russia held him closer. His scream had woken him up and Russia had found his friend with his face in his hands.

"Shhhhh, America...everything's ok. Remember...I won't let him get you."

...

I wanted to write something sweet...ish.

Yes, Smile Dog is a real thing. Yes, I've seen the picture and yes it caused nightares for weeks.

To DaIvanBraginski: I have nothing better to do but write :D

To She Elf of Hidden Lore: I'm so glad you like it! Hope your friends enjoyed it too :D


	22. Show Me

America soon calmed down after a few minutes and ended up just leaning on Russia, sniffling.

"You alright?" the older nation inquired,

America just nodded against Russia's chest.

"Will you be able to sleep?"

America shook his head.

Russia sighed. Looks like he'd have another sleepless night...although this time he didn't really mind. He just held America closer and kissed the top of his head.

"You'll be alright."

America just shivered. Russia lay back down, for they were both sitting up. He pulled America down with him and covered them with the warm blankets. America tried so hard not to fall asleep but being soothed by both Russia's heat, gentle purr-like snoring and the fluffiness of the blanket he was soon lulled to dreamland.

...

_Russia had no idea when he'd fallen asleep. Guess he must've been a lot more tired than he originally thought. He was standing facing the mirror in the bathroom...wait...how had he gotten here? He didn't remember a thing before he'd gotten here. ...Had he gotten drunk again? _

_Anyhoo, here he was. His face was a weird greyish tinted tan and his purple irises were dull and lifeless. His scarf was hanging loosely on his shoulders. He just sighed and opened the drawer that held his razor. But...he didn't want to. His body seemed to have done it on his own. He brought the blade to his neck, drawing a deep line that immediately started gushing blood. He thought to himself "stop!" but his body wasn't responding. _

_Cut. Cut. Cut. Bleed. Bleed. Bleed. Suffer. America bolted in the room and watched as his friend drew the razor against his jugular, proceeding afterward to fall to the ground in a bloody heap._

_..._

America screamed. Russia awoke. He saw his younger friend, still asleep, writhing in what looked to be pain and crying out, sobbing.

"America?"

The man didn't respond. He just screamed again.

"Alfred!"

America's bloodshot eyes snapped open and he bolted upright with an inhuman gasp. He sat there panting he turned to Russia.

"Show me your neck."

"Wha-?"

"Do it!"

Russia tilted his head upward, revealing his flawless flesh. America sighed and began to cry again. He fell into Russia's arms.

"America, what's wrong? What happened?"

"You-I walked in on you..."

"Huh?" America looked straight into Russia's eyes.

"Please don't die."

Russia was taken aback.

"I won't. Don't you die either."

America just looked relieved. He lay his head back on Russia's chest. Russia began to cry as well, for dying was exactly what he had been planning to do the next day.

...

I'm so sorry guys that I haven't updated in a while! I tried to make this chapter as interesting as I could at this hour of the night to make up for it. School's started so I don't have a lot of time to write anymore but I promise to try and update more often :)


	23. Don't Wanna

They ended up sleeping in late. Really late. Like 6 in the evening late. Russia was the first to awake. He looked at the clock.

"Al," he said, shaking said nation. "It's time to get up."

The younger man awoke with an exclamation of "HUNGRY!" Russia just rolled his eyes. They got up and after the initial shock that it was so late they continued to have...breakfast...dinner...food.

"Why did we sleep so late?"

"Well," Russia replied to America. "We did fall asleep late."

"Hmm," was the response.

"America," Russia said after a while.

America looked up.

"What exactly did you dream about?"

America's smile fell and his expression grew dark. "Oh..."

"Please?"

America just sighed. "Alright. I dreamed I was you. But I didn't have a scarf...or a shirt. It's kinda hard to explain. I dreamed that I was in your bathroom and committed suicide by slitting my neck...or, your neck...or mine...oh I don't know!"

America put his head in his hands. Russia visibly flinched. How had America possibly known that cutting his neck was exactly how he had been planning to go? He'd even set everything up. He'd written a letter, hidden the razor and cleaned his bathroom. There was no possible way America could have ever known.

"You alright, bud?" America asked, looking up.

Russia had a pained expression on his face. "Why do you think you dreamt that?"

"What?"

"You heard me."

"I...I don't know. I guess it just sorta happened, y'know?"

Russia just huffed. "Alright then."

...

The rest of the evening was spent peacefully on America's part and horribly painful for Russia. His emotions were twisted and his mind was reeling. Should he die? Or...shouldn't he? Would he still come back later since he was a country? He would. So there was no need to worry...right? Russia made his decision.

It was proven that countries came back after death if their home country was strong enough. Russia was the biggest country so that wouldn't be a problem. All he needed right now was an escape. That was all. It was around 10 PM. Russia bid America goodnight and went straight to the upstairs bathroom. The letter was useless if he were to come back. He opened the secret door hidden in the bathroom counter right under the sink. Hidden with it were various pills and needles.

But the blade was Russia's sole focus. He carefully pulled it out, pricking his finger to make sure it was sharp and would get the job done. He slowly pressed it to the side of his neck. Pain blasted from the spot and seemed to spread everywhere in his body. But Russia paid no mind. The only pain he was afraid of was the pain he knew he was causing America.

He dragged the blade across the length of his neck diagonally. Hitting his jugular, he added more pressure, causing blood to run down his chest like a waterfall. Good thing he'd taken off his scarf and left it on the bed.

Weak. Hopeless. Powerless. Russia tried to grab at the counter.

_No...no!_ he thought. _Don't wanna go! Alfred HELP ME! _

His grip went slack. Just as his last thought was about how America was never going to find him until nighttime his head smashed on the floor.

Mother Russia was dead.

...

To Aabluedragon: did this chapter clear the dream up? :)


	24. The Scarf

"Hey Russia!" America called.

Silence.

"Dude I'm starving! I'm raiding your fridge!"

Still nothing. America frowned. He decided to go looking for him. Of course he still raided Russia's fridge.

He reached the top of the stairs and smelled something...off. Something didn't feel right, either. Immedietaly he was terrified but heros never show fear.

"Russia?"

Nothing.

"Hey, dude?"

Nope.

"Ivan?"

Still silent.

"Hello?"

America kept walking forward. He got to the bathroom door and stepped in something wet. He looked down at his foot and screamed. His foot was soaking in blood. It was staining the hardwood floor as well. America tried to open the door but, naturally, it was locked tight.

Little did many people know but America was incredibly strong. He was known for his brute strength. He took as much of a running start as the hallway would allow and bashed into the door. It literally split in the middle and broke in two pieces, flying off its hinges. America prepared himself for an attacker, but what he saw made him wish there actually were an attacker. He would rather have been between Russia and Belarus than what he was actually looking at.

Russia was on the floor in a massive puddle of his own blood. His neck was shredded and a bloodied razor could be found in his hand. His back was bent at a weird angle and it clearly looked as though he had fallen to the floor.

"No...impossible..." America whispered in horror. "Nightmares aren't supposed to take a physical form...no! IVAN!"

Russia didn't stir. America didn't know what he'd been expecting. He did the only thing he could. He knelt down by his lover's head and sobbed. Hard. Heros aren't supposed to cry, so don't tell anyone, K?

After a few minutes, America grabbed spare towels and started to mop up the red liquid on the floor. He cleaned it up as best he could. Then he picked Russia up carefully and set him in the bathtub. He'd have a hell of a cricked neck but that's what the bastard got for doing this to him.

America went and sat on Russia's bed in the next room. Just as he was about to sit down, he noticed Russia's scarf laying quietly on the pillows. That man never went anywhere without it...except whatever afterlife might exist. America grabbed the fabric and buried his face in it.

Why had Russia done this to him?


	25. 3 Hours

3 HOURS.

It took Russia 3 friggin hours to wake up and finally come hobbling in the room. America was staring intently at the door. He knew Russia was strong enough to come back. When said nation saw the older one leaning on the doorframe for support, his cuts now scars, America leapt off the bed.

"Ivan, you bastard!"

Russia was almost knocked backwards when America fell on him, locking him in an impossible-to-break embrace.

"Amer-"

"How could you?! How could you do that to me?!"

Russia closed his eyes, releasing tears. He just sighed. "You're wearing my scarf..."

Indeed America was. The grey-tinted purple piece of fabric was wrapped tightly around the younger man's neck. "It was the only thing I had..."

Russia wrapped his arms tighter around America. "It won't happen again."

"Why did it happen a first time? I could've actually lost you."

"I know, krasivaya. I know."

They ended up just sitting on the bed in each others' arms murmuring words of comfort to one another. It was around 12 in the morning when they finally settled down and got ready for sleep.

"I don't ever want to lose you," America muttered into Russia's side.

"I know," Russia said for the bajillionth time that evening.

"I still don't understand."

"Neither do I."

"What's happened to you...us?"

"I don't know."

"Are we...still together?"

"Of course we are." Russia held America closer. "We'll always be together. I will never leave you. I promise you that."

"Swear?"

"I swear."

"Belarus isn't going to like that."

"Hm...she can deal with rejection."

"Like every other time before?"

"Don't bring her up. I said that to try and get off topic."

"Ah."

Silence. Not an awkward silence, just a peaceful, still, comforting silence. It was the type of silence lovers get into as they just enjoy each other's company. America snuggled closer to Russia and the older man held the younger tighter. Neither wanted to lose the other. Not for real.

"I've been thinkin..." America began.

"Yes?"

"It's weird to think we started out as enemies and now..."

Russia just chuckled. "I've thought the same thing. Of course I'm not complaining.

"Same here...you want your scarf back?"

"You keep it for tonight. I'll take it in the morning."

"K."

After the slight exchange both promptly fell asleep.

...

I'm the friggin procrastination queen -.-


	26. Resolution

Russia and America were never rivals again. Sure, they'd have their disagreements but didn't everyone? America helped Russia clean himself of his bad cutting habit which had gotten out of control. The other countries never pestered the older nation about what had happened. The two superpowers ended up staying together.

ResolRussia never committed suicide again.


	27. Author's Note

Hey guys! Russki here :D

Thanks so much for reading this story! Sorry I ended it so abruptly. It was just going nowhere and it seemed like a good place to end.

For those still confused, Russia's nightmare about someone hitting him with his pipe is a reversed memory. It's the Baltics, specifically Lithuania, getting back at him.

I'm already working on the next RusAme story! This one'll be longer probably and much more interesting.

This story was just a trial to see how well I could write Hetalia stuff ^.^

~Russki out!


End file.
